Im suddenly realizing what ive gotten myself into, death.
Human beings are not immune to feelings, regardless of how much I try to convince myself I am, and its just hard for me to understand this. In my short career ive seen 3 deaths, 10 attempted suicides, and multiple traumatic injuries that will be with me ‘till the grave, I cant unsee these things and im not coping with it as well as I was hoping to.
Artificially ventilating a 36 year old man because he hung himself was a brutal experience, watching his parents and wife cry over his soon-to-be dead body was excruciating, but the icing on the cake was telling an 8 year old boy that his father is dead.
Arriving on scene to see an 18 year old guy, the same age as me, stabbed. The catch this time? he didnt want to see me. After multiple attempts to hit me, his final words were “FUCK YOU” as his eyes rolled into the back of his head, Despite cpr for over an hour, he was gone.
Sometimes i just cant cope with some of these things, and i just want to explode.
Im in too deep now, time to man up.
